February 13, 2017

Getting a little personal...

In the middle of my 53rd Happiness Diary I realized that I had been writing them for a full year and for some reason I felt like that was enough and I stopped. The diary's have been a lot fun to write and though at times the commitment was challenging (did I skip a week in there? I can't even remember) it was always fulfilling to post a new entry each week. Writing the diaries made me realize how easy it is to find something to be grateful for each day and it will be great to look back on the daily events from this past year of my life.  However, I did find that naming the posts " Happiness Diary's" having a blog with the words "Filthy Happy" in the title, made me sometimes feel guilty when I had moments or entire days where I didn't feel happy and I didn't accomplish anything.  I know no one expects me to be happy all of the time, that would be an impossible feat, but it still made me question myself.  This is where I am so grateful that there are so many inspiring books and podcasts and YouTube videos in the world that teach me that it's ok!  I don't have to be perfect!

I know people can be so critical of others who want to change for the better or want to do good in the world...someone who is a vegetarian because they love animals might be criticized for not going vegan, someone who loves the planet and is an activist for global warming may be criticized for using air conditioning, someone who claims to be awakened and in alignment with the universe may be criticized for losing their temper in a moment of stress.  If someone isn't 100% consistent with their values they are attacked for being a fraud or being a hypocrite.  I think people are sometimes afraid to change because they feel like the little they do is never going to be enough and they will never make an impact on the world or their own lives and they will feel guilty about all of those little inconsistencies.  Inconsistency isn't a bad thing!  Inconsistency shows that you are in the process of growing, and that you HAVE changed.  Inconsistencies are a reminder that you have more work to do or they may just be something you have to allow yourself to accept, because nobody is perfect and most people can't live 100% for any one purpose or passion. I know I will never be 100% happy all of the time but maybe I can strive for being a little more peaceful, a little more clear headed and little more accepting.  I want to live the best life I can live.  I want to get rid of things that don't serve me and don't serve the greater good.  I want to get rid of all the limiting beliefs I've had my whole life.  That being quiet is boring, that I will never have any willpower, that I will never be at peace with who I am, that being vulnerable will only bring judgement, etc.  I want to live in my truth. I want to live in gratitude. I want to live in love. Love of this moment. Love of myself and of everyone and everything around me.

How do I start? I think I just did. Realizing there is a better, more vibrant way to live is the first step.  How someone gets from here to living in their truth is going to be different for everyone but it's all about taking small steps.  There are so many things I want to change and implement into my life but for me I know I need to start with myself and bring more self love, acceptance and forgiveness into my life so I can eventually stop being so self centered and have a clear picture of how I truly want to live.

I don't even know if any of this makes sense but I do know that I feel inspired and I feel good and I wanted to share.  More to come possibly.  Peace!

I am grateful for hikes in the woods and this beautifully sunny Monday in February.

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